Coming out as ftm transgender 🏳️‍⚧️

I came out as trans when I was 25 , I knew I was different from the age of 7 but I didn't know what "transgender" was at the time all I knew is that I was different so I came out as "gay" that went on for like 5 years because I knew I wouldn't be supported at home so I hid it by saying I liked girls witch is still true now but I was just a boy trapped in a girls body , I was scared as hell to tell my parents so I just hid it until I moved out & then I just sent my family a group text message & told everyone except my father that I was trans ftm & that my name was Aiden. My family actually came around a little , my mom was actually trying & I appreciate her for trying,  I was scared to death & my fiancee is actually the person I came out to first  she helped make it comfortable enough to come out I always felt off with everything, my body just all around life , at a young age I always felt like I was a boy but I guess I never wanted to except the fact that I was trans let alone coming out to my parents & other siblings I’ve always felt different.  On the night of July 25th 2021 my fiancée & I were talking & it come up in a topic of conversation & she reassured me that she still loves me the same & nothing will change & well I just come out to her that night but she kinda already know because I've always wanted to wear a binder & eventually get top surgery, & then I told my mother-in-law that I was trans & she supported me from the very beginning, she never even questioned my Cerebral Palsy which surprised me because nobody has done that before but it was nice but weird lol I recently moved in with my fiancée , & since I've moved in I'm come out of my shell a lot, I can't wait to finally have a deeper voice  & get a small Adams apple I've never liked my voice so I've also started thinking about starting testosterone & I really hope when I go to the doctor soon I'll be able to get a prescription to start & then I"ll hopefully start weekly injections for the rest of my life , honestly though I'm scared of needles but hopefully she will help me get over the fear of it , I still have to call to see if my insurance will cover my testosterone injections but boy are they hard to get ahold of it's so crazy I have to be referred to Endocrinology to even see about starting Testosterone , I look back at it now & I should've come out a lot sooner then I did because I've been hiding my true self like I'm very happy with my fiancée, it's just I wish I would've done it sooner so I would've been happier sooner, like she make me incredibly happy & she's the only reason I came out because of the way she is , she's super supportive & understands me & also didn't care that I had Cerebral  Palsy from the very beginning & we've been together a year & 4 months.She has made me into a better person & I can't thank her enough for giving me the strength & courage to come out & live my life & be who I wanna be who I've always been without hiding who I am anymore ,  I wish my mom could see how far I go from here but I know she's  proud of me, my fiancee & I currently live in a room with 5 kittens & 2 dogs it's absolutely crazy lol. 

 

I started testosterone injections & I inject myself every Tuesday, my insurance even covers it , I recently lost my mom in August of 2021 & let me tell you this was the hardest thing I've experienced in my entire life I don't know how to deal with her death so much so that I can't even go home because everything reminds me of her & if I start crying I won't be able to stop even though her & I have had our disagreements & arguments I still loved the hell out of that woman & was so proud of her for getting through the hard parts & making it through, I just wish she could've enjoyed herself more before being called up to heaven I really miss her phone calls , her calling me to tell me I misspelled something & telling me how to spell it so I can fix it, I no longer have communication with my father, & I do blame him a lot since my mom passed away. it's been about eight months since her passing & it's been a crazy roller coaster & to be honest I haven't really been home since everything has happened like I went home once & that was her services she wanted to be cremated so that's exactly what we did for her & we did things a little different just so my "father" didn't get to to know about anything about what was happening & my mother deserved some privacy at least. Do I kinda feel bad about not being home? yes I kinda do but on the other hand I don't because it's hard for my to be there ,  I know they had no other choice but I moved out so technically I don't live there anymore so it what it is. I'm having a hard time accepting her being gone it still doesn't feel real I still wait for her phone call during the day but as the days go on it doesn't happen I'm still having a hard time sleeping I'm seeing her everywhere I go she's even in my dreams all the time, my siblings aren't as close as we have been in the past & I think that has a lot to do with my moms passing, like I'm sorry I can't help I have my own things to do just like they do, I feel like I'm constantly on the phone with different people especially sine I started testosterone & getting my diabetes under control. I have the same doctor for both so makes it easy I just wish it wasn't so hard to be trans I just wish I was born in the right body & born a boy but hey I wouldn't have a beautiful story to tell & I am proud to tell my story I just wish I didn't have to fight so hard to be who I really am. I am who I am , a trans man & I don't want to hide anymore I am Aiden I am me a self made man & I belong in this world just like everyone else. I am a human being I am not hurting anyone by being who I am , I just want to be comfortable in my own body, i'm slowing starting to love myself & hopefully soon i'll love myself more after top surgery I really hope my family calls me Aiden eventually. I am 3 months on testosterone i'm still not seeing changes but hopefully I'll start seeing changes soon I'm a real man.